Are You Ready For Some...SWIMMING!!!

Can we get back to normal now? I love the Olympics, probably as much as anyone else in the world. I just don’t watch any of the coverage. I’m kinda busy at 2:00 am when all the good events are on, and to be honest, I like to think of myself as a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to America’s most beloved sports, like swimming relays. Sure it’s cool to see Michael Phelps become the most bejeweled athlete in Olympic history, but the hype and the settings take away some of the purist appeal that has made competitive waterplay one of our country’s greatest pastimes.

The state of the art facilities, the hyper-specific scoring methods and, well, the foreigners, tend to sterilize the typical memories we hold dear: Fathers in the backyard inflatable pool, teaching their sons the backstroke and the perfect kick turn. It’s enough to peel some paint off of our visions of the famous Norman Rockwell painting we all associate with youth, family, and a young athlete’s first competitive swim lesson with Dad. I believe it is entitled “Touch Out Boy”.

I’m all for giving these American treasures a spot on the world stage from time to time, but also truly look forward to the end of this “demonstration” and a return to weekends spent at home once the American Swimming League season officially starts. Nothing signifies the welcome change in season like a brisk autumn day, a pot of chili on the stove, neighbors stopping by for some nachos and domestic beer, as we all assemble in front of the big screen to root for our hometown swimming team. I must say it’s been a long summer, because I have actually forgotten the name of Chicago’s aquatic franchise. (the Fins? The Water-Rhinos? What is it?) I’m even a little fuzzy about its members. So what else is new? Every year there are trades, and fights for position, and the typical “Anchor controversy”. But there is nothing like Chicago sports, and as hard as it is to keep track of the off-season rebuilding maneuvers, there is still no doubt that Chicago is and always will be a Competitive Swimming town. (dammit, what is our team name? cows, something to do with cows I think. Lamp-kickers? Yeah, Lamp-Kickers sounds right…maybe. Dammit!)

As the hot summer draws to a close, and the Beijing Olympics end, I will begin dusting off my foam swimmers cap (oh, I bet the name is on there… Splashing Gangsters? No…The Al Carpones? Dammit!), and my foam goggles, and my foam pruny swimmer’s finger, and get ready for draft night of my Fantasy Competitive Swimming League. I can already hear the guys ribbing me for my Mark Gangloff pick, but we’ll see who’s laughing come playoff time! (Crap, I need to remember when the playoffs start.) And soon enough it will be time to start making grids for my much-anticipated Swimming pool at work. (“Swimming Pool”, I love that more every year.) I’m even one of those geeks that likes to read about all of the ground-breaking commercials shown at our biggest American spectacle, The Swimming Bowl! The…Stroke Bowl… Splash Bowl? Why am I having so much trouble remembering this stuff. Guess my age is catching up with me…

So hurry home swimmers, it’s time to bring our most cherished and frequently-televised American sport back where it belongs. I know I say this every year, but this year I might just spring for season tickets to see the Chicago…The Chicago…Dammit!